


Only

by Black_Dog (Xilianr)



Series: Whisper To Me Your Dreams [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Porn, Crying, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fever Dreams, Fever sex, Forced Adultery, Murder, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Smut, Story within a Story, slight murder kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 22:47:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17109611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xilianr/pseuds/Black_Dog
Summary: You were pretty sure you hated your husband's new secretary.He had worked late, not returned your calls, andshesaid he was in a meeting when you knew he wasn't. By the time he got home you were a mess, heart running away with past pains that were not his doing or his fault. He saw your fears and wanted to help.So you asked him to make you cry.And he did.





	Only

**Author's Note:**

> This is a complexly SAD and smutty one-shot that takes place in the same world as the other stories in the series.
> 
> It is intentionally upsetting and painful in how the climax occurs with a heavy handed romance/fluffiness/love to tie it up at the end and wash down the sorrow.
> 
> Sometimes we want smut that hurts. This is that smut. I implore you to not read this if that is not something you want to read or is something that will trigger you. _Please_ mind the tags!!!

“I think I hate your new secretary.” You had your arm across your forehead, ready to cover your eyes at the shame of what you were sure was just needless insecurity.

“She _is_ fucking young. Hange thinks she has a crush on me. Pretty sure I’m her second boss ever? I really don’t want to know what her previous one expected of her to make her so damn flirty. Betting it was nothing legal, for someone her age.” Levi was undoing his tie, pulling his shirt and undershirt off.

He had worked late, very late. Looking at his pale skin you could not remember if you had left those deep red scratches down his back, crisscrossing his spine.

“I want your shirt.” You reached out with the hand not shielding your all too ashamed and afraid eyes.

“Love, it stinks of stress sweat and-“ Levi stopped mid thought. He saw the frown on your lips and knew his shirt was needed by you for something more than missing him.

“So why do you think you hate my secretary?” He took up the trail he had originally thought was purely conversational.

In nothing but his underwear, Levi crawled up by you, making himself available to your inspection. He handed you his shirt. There was a very small amount of blood, easily something from the havoc you had raked down his back opening throughout the day. You brought it to your nose. You wished for Mike. He would have told you, no room for error, if it was only Levi’s cologne on the article. You were mostly sure it only smelt of him, of his long, miserable day.

“She said you were in a meeting.” You felt dumb as soon as you said it out loud.

“So, she’s stupid. I could have told you that. Most eighteen year olds are going to be drastically dumber than us. We were, at that age, and she is at the shallow end of the pool.” Levi looked at you like you had offered him a riddle. He was trying to read your mind and you knew he would not manage, not about this.

“I feel dumb.” You covered your face with your hands and hoped the burn of building tears would fade before he pulled your hands away to see your expression. It did not.

“What did that little shit do? She is fucking gone. Erwin can sort what to do with her but she is not my secretary anymore.” Levi said it like Erwin had already agreed and you knew that was not the case.

“You say that, but Erwin won’t just do it.”

Your husband was an intolerable boss. He had a permanent scowl, gave reprimands that felt harsh regardless of his intent, and all that was peppered with the vocabulary of an drunken angry sailor. It took a special sort to endure his work persona. Erwin knew Levi more intimately through his husband Mike, so he could read between Levi’s lines. Any assistant that could work with Levi without being reduced to tears was precious as gold.

“You’re forgetting that if you divorce me, Mike is dropping Erwin like a sack of hot shit for you, before the ink even dries. Erwin and I will be so fucking out that he will overreact preemptively just to keep that door closed.” Levi seemed to have put together where your head was, but did not want to voice it in case he was wrong. “We both know I wasn’t in a meeting. When did you call? Brat never got me your message either.”

“Around four.” You were vague but you could have told him to the minute if he requested.

“Shit. Did she think you were someone else?” He tried to give the new girl a chance at redemption. Levi’s jaw was clenching as he chewed his ire. He knew perfectly well where your fears were based now. This was fully unacceptable to him.

“I said I was your wife as an introduction. Then I asked to get transferred through. She said you were busy. Then added as an after thought that it was a ‘meeting’. I swear I could even hear the air quotes. She giggled, like she knew what she was doing to me. Didn’t even ask if I had a message, just said she’d let you know I called. Hung up on me.” You were speaking softer and softer as you went. You felt so foolish but that did nothing to temper the screaming terror that echoed in your head.

“You want me to shower before or after I show you how much I love you? Only you?” Levi was laying on top of you, throatnow on offer for your closer inspection.

You sniffed and licked, only sweat and the tang of his skin. His cologne was so faded you could only smell it where he had directly applied it. Reason tried to silence the alarm bells but you had your past mistakes circumventing the logic. You could not trust yourself here. It was the worst feeling. You needed him more than ever.

“After?” You felt awful. You had no idea how to fix the feelings twisting serpentine knots in your gut.

“What me to tell you a story about how much more I love you? Something awful? Something that will have you crying under me as you come totally undone? But I’ll tell you, every step of the way, I’ll tell you how much I am yours.” Levi was kissing the shell of your ear, even tone promising to do whatever you asked.

“Make me cry.” You could not see any other way to get this pain out.

“Alright lovely. Alright. You say stop and I stop. Understand?” You nodded into his cheek.

“Alright.” He sighed, mind fabricating what he hoped would solidify your trust in your faith of him and thus save you from yourself. “You come home early from work one day. It surprises you to find my car in the driveway. I’m not supposed to be home. You aren’t either though, so it doesn’t fluster you too much. You come in the front and there I am, under our comforter and two blankets, butt-ass naked, sweating like a cooked pig on the living room couch. I’m red and sticky and moaning and you know the look. I’m sick. Sick like that one time, _sick_.”

You remembered that time. He had been so sick and so _horny_. He was totally unreasonable about it too. He had been so lost in his fevered mind he forgot you were in the living room. Even when you were getting walked in on by your sometimes third and his husband, Levi had not stopped. He had simply mumbled ‘pull up the blanket, there‘s a draft’, his hips never ceasing to collide with yours. Thank goodness Erwin had a sense of humor because Mike and you were totally embarrassed. Levi had taken a whole day to finally reach a level of mental clarity that understood what he had done. He was shameless in asking if he had at least gotten you off after that. By then, you were equally unabashed in telling him it was twice.

“You walk over but I’m so out of it, I can’t tell you’re really there. I think it’s my fever. I’m reaching around for my phone, but it’s not even in the room. I want to call you and ask you to come home. I need you.” Levi stripped off the last of his clothes then quickly pulled your bedclothes off. He was slower in taking off your panties. His stoic mask hid his lust as he revealed you to him. His eyes were your only clue, that and his tongue darting out to wet his lips in a hunger that had nothing to do with food.

“You decide to go get that one medicine that actually helped. You are up and gone when I register the sound of the lock. I think it is you coming in, not going out. I call to you, over and over. Fuck I want you to come make me okay. Only you can make me feel better. Only you can tell me I’m going to be alright and have me believe it.”

Levi paused his story to kiss you. It was heavy and needy, and tugged at the knot of fear in your chest but made no purchase in unraveling it. Languid hot kisses trailed down your neck to your chest. The wet cavern of his mouth started lavishing over one nipple, then the other. He was slow in his sucking and lapping, hands at your back, pulling you up to meet him. He was watching you the whole time, flicker of disappointment in how he still had not even dented your fears. You were slow to come up for him, and that stung his heart. Not from some arrogant pride of thinking he should have been able to just turn you on, but rather that you were this level of turned off that even now you were only lukewarm.

“It’s minutes that might as well have been hours with my head being all muddy. I can’t lay still. I want you. I want to be _in_ you.” Levi slipped a finger in your core, delicately checking to see if you were ready enough to take him. He added a second finger when the necessary wetness was present. He pumped and curled his fingers, loosening you enough to take him without discomfort.

He lined himself with your prepared entrance, long steady thrust used to fill you. He stayed pressed all the way inside you. It was a shallow rock of hip that moved him just enough to make you all the more aware of how well he fit inside you. You focused on that heat, the feel of him so deep. It made your heart ache.

“Erwin meant well. He did not know it was going to ruin everything. He had just wanted someone to drop off some medicine, help me take it. That was it. He did not realize he was sending some home wrecking brat to our place with his key. She didn’t even fucking knock, just came right in like she was allowed.” Levi was staying still as he said your worst fears were coming true.

“She has a bag with medicine, coming up to my heated, horny for my fucking wife, body. I’m so out of it, I think she must be you. Can’t think, can’t tell. But she can see the way my hips keep shifting, squirming. She looks around, sure that you are still at work, certain there are no cameras to disprove her story.” Levi started to pull free of you, stopping with the head of his cock just barely inside you.

“She pushes her panties to the side and straddles me. My eyes are screwed fucking shut but I think they are wide open. I think it is you. Who else could it be? You are home, naked, taking my cock in you, just like I need.” Levi pushed back inside, slow and deep. It made you whimper. “You can stop me baby. You can, just say the word and you walk through that door.”

Levi rolled his hips, moving the full of his length sheathed inside you. You bit your trembling lip but said nothing. You wanted the story to go on. You needed the horror to play out. He nodded, even pace taken to meet your needs.

“I start to buck my hips. Going fast and hard, just how you like.” Levi was a steady pull, just to the limit of coming loose, that returned slowly to kissing your cervix with his weeping head. It was intentionally a sharp contrast to speed of the story. “I’m holding her hips, nails biting crescents into the meat of her. She is so worthlessly easy, it makes her cum just like that. All over our couch, and bedding. All over my dick.” Levi had a moment of repulsion dance across his face, but he continued as he had a different image come to mind, something better, something he actually wanted.

“I love it when _you_ cum on me baby, so it spurs me into you. I roll her over, pinning her down, just how you like, because I think it’s you. Oh, sweetheart, I’m so eager to cum in you. So eager to fill you up, just how you like.” Levi started moving faster, you could see where the story was going, knew what he would be doing in you as you pictured him in her.

It was heart wrenching as his thrusts got sloppy, timing lost to the sensation. “I’m cumming so hard, so fucking hard.” Levi sounded pained as he buried himself deep. He pressed firm against the one point you loved, twitching member coming in you, dry. He intended to come for you as many times as it took to bring you with him by the end.

He was moving in his ‘still close’ kind of way. Your body had a blooming anticipation of his next climax, knowing it would also be for you, as would the one after that. He would wait until you were there with him, even if you said stop, he would wait to cum with you. He was already building up his rhythm again, your slick walls tight around him. He had to try to swallow a few times, talking through such activity drying his mouth. He continued undaunted, though a little more horse.

“I keep pounding into her, riding my high, thinking I’m in you. I’m whispering how much I love you. How happy I am to be married to you. How I could never be happier than when I’m with you. I love you.” Levi was kissing your neck, hips punctuating every true word in time.

“Her ankles are at the small of my back, heels digging in just right, making my sticky load dump in her again. Fuck I’m gonna lose it. I can’t stop but I can’t keep going. Ng-“ Levi stopped, pelvic bone trapping yours in place. He made a soft grunt. He saved himself from finishing early, by the skin of his teeth.

You were stuck at the edge. It was too awful, your climax being so close and yet a world away. Levi felt your fingers tightening on his biceps, nails piercing new holes in his alabaster skin. He sighed ragged, knowing how to bring you but dreading it as well. He hated doing this, but for you he would tear out his own still beating heart.

“I’m in her, my raw cock filling her with my seed. She is loving it. That’s when you walk in the door. She sees you and how appalled you are. She speaks in my ear, asking me to cum again. I’m so hot for you, so hard, I have to.” Levi was a pounding pulse into the heart of you. You keened behind your clamped lips. Tears started to race down your cheeks.

“She is fucking me fast and hard, her nails lacing angry fire over my lovely marks from you.” Your hands went to fists on his back, your own body unwilling to mirror her actions, no matter how you wanted to decorate his skin as yours. Unmeasured thrusts smashed you together. Your insides surged and struggled around him. “I’m cumming again, dry pumping because I have nothing left. Shit. Shit!”

Your muscles seized hard. You twitched and wrenched a pained cry from the love of your life. His shuddering climax spilt hot in you as flares of white and pink flashed behind your tear fringed lashes. Levi’s own cheeks were wet, hearts too close together to not have them both break at the shattering of one. Levi kept his hips moving, letting you coast down slowly. He kept talking though, the story needed an end that would untie the sadness noosed at your neck.

“You were crying, bag from the store dropped on the floor, glass breaking like your heart. And that’s what makes me see her. Under me, sticky with all that is only yours. None of it was for her. Not one thrust. It had all been stolen from you. Her theft was unforgivable.” Levi had his darkest rage burning in his words. It licked across your skin as an inferno.

“I roll us over, gravity enlisted in pulling all of me from her. I put my hands around her throat. She is making a show of riding my dick, flaunting how she is on me, not you. Until her eyes meet mine. That is when they go wide in realization. I’m crushing her larynx. It is giving out under my rage like hollow bones. She is clawing, tearing, ripping at my wrists but I won’t give. I’m choking her until it is clear, until the is no doubt. I’m not hers. I was never hers.” Levi knew your darkest fantasies, wanted to give you all you could ask of him. He got vulgar, just for you.

“It’s a confused little flutter as her cunt clamps down, insides milking my spent cock for something already painting her insides. I keep going, wringing her broken neck for all I’m worth.” Levi was hugging you fiercely, his snarled rage belied the sorrow staining his cheeks. “Tears are streaming down my face because I know I’ve lost you. I know you can never love me again after this. I died. I’ve died and if there was any mercy in this world lightning would strike my body dead, then and there. Because I’m already dead. I died the second I lost you.” It was a pained sob that rattled his chest and your soul.

“Because I love you. I love only you. If you died I would die with you. I lose everything if I lose you. I can’t be happy without you. I love only you. My love, my wife.” Levi stayed pressed tight to you, he would not let you go. Even after an hour had passed of your false mourning, he kept you close.

The shower was shared because neither of you could bear being apart for even that long. His skin stayed touching yours at every turn. Even as sleep came and took you to different dreams, your hand stayed safely in his. Right where it belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> Other works will be fluffier (albeit at least one is darker).


End file.
